Ada Lovelace Day: The anonymous woman in technology

I admire that woman who has devoted her live to technology research. I admire that woman who has secretly inspired other women by sharing her passion for technology. I admire that woman who has not public recognition but a great admiration from their colleges and students. I admire that woman who, in despite of feeling that she does not fit in a male-technology-word, still fighting against stereotypes. I admire that woman who not only cares about being a good researcher but also about being a great partner, a great wife and a great mother. I admire that woman who has turned her passion by technology into her life. I admire all those women who I have known during my career, who have shared their passion and inspired me to make research on technology my passion. I admire the anonymous woman in technology.

Lesson Learned

The perfect song for my last post...

It could be...

Life is not easy...

Somebody told me that: LIFE IS NOT EASY. No, it is not. Life contains a lot of aspects: relationships (love, friendship, etc), personal development (love, work, money, even religion), health and many more.
Imagine how many right decisions and actions you have to make to be happy in every aspect of your life. A lot! And well, if we add that humans are not perfect... definitely life is VERY DIFFICULT!
Then, you have to be happy but at the same time you cannot make unhappier the people that you love (at least them). uufff! Even more difficult. In one of my first post I talked about that, how you can find a balance between your personal happiness and being a mum. But we can include more aspects here. Find a balance between your happiness and your work, your personal life, your partner, the money you have, your friends, etc...
My conclusion is first, you cannot have "everything" in life. So, as consequence, you will have problems and such problems will help you to grow up and to mature. That's the magic of life. That's the reason why the people change and become wiser. If you don't learn from every problem that you have had in life, well... you will have the same problem again and again and you will be unhappy. That's easy. However, changing is not easy at all.
Unfortunately, when you keep making the same mistakes, in the journey you hurt the people that you love or the people that love you. That's another problem.
I have hurt a lot of people in my life, I have been hurt many times in my life. The last one was one of the most difficult. The reason, I am making the same mistakes and other person is making the same mistakes. Different mistakes, same result. We didn't learn, we hurt each other and in the journey we hurt more people... BAD!
Sadly, this is not the first time that I make this kind of mistake, is not the first time that somebody hurts me like this, but this time I have more important things in my life: my daughter, my family, my PhD and so on. This time, all these aspects of my life were damaged in some way. I think, that's the reason this time is the most painful.
What am I going to do? LEARN!! This is the last time that I make the same mistake. Now I am happy. Because I realise the true and I realise that I need to take the good things of this situation. I have to heal all the pain that I caused, I have to heal myself. But I have learn a lot, I have matured so much.
So, thank you life for being difficult, thank you for teach me how to act, thank you for show me the truth.
Thank you God!

Todos hablan... (Everybody speaks...)

Si todos hablan, todos juzgan... pero nadie actúa.

Yo trato, trato de actuar, de solucionar. Vivo en una constante búsqueda de la felicidad y de la equidad.

A veces lo que hago es lo correcto, otras no lo es tanto. Al final actúo basada en mis pocos o muchos principios. Siempre habrá alguien que no este de acuerdo con mis actos y mis decisiones, siempre habrá alguien que secretamente hable a mis espaldas de lo mal que actúo o de mi horrible carácter. Hace varios años que eso esta superado, lo que los demás digan no importa.

Juzgar es fácil... ponerse en lo zapatos del otro no lo es tanto, ayudarlo a solucionar el problema mucho menos. Actuar es difícil, se necesita ser valiente, se necesita estar libre de tabus, se necesita mucho... Si, yo actúo, pero muchas veces me equivoco. Quien no lo entienda entonces no entenderá que todos somos seres humanos.

Rocio.

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Yes everybody speaks, everybody judges... but nobody acts.

I try to, I try to act, to find a solution. I live in an endless seeking of happiness and equality.

Sometimes what I do is right, sometimes not. At the end, I act based on my much or not so much principles. Always there will be somebody who does not agree with my acts and decisions; always there will be somebody who secretly talks at my back about how bad I act or what a horrible temper I have. This has been overcome many years ago, what people say do not matter.

Judging is easy… putting in somebody else’s shoes is not, helping to solve the problem is even worst. Acting is difficult, it’s necessary to be brave, it’s necessary to be free of taboos, a lot is necessary… Yes, I act, but I make mistakes a lot of times. Who do not understand this; do not understand that we are humans.

Yes everybody speaks, everybody judges... but nobody acts.I try to, I try to act, to find a solution. I live in an endless quest for happiness and equality.Sometimes what I do is right, sometimes not. In the end, I act - more or less - based on my principles. There will be always somebody who does not agree with my actions and decisions; there will always be somebody who secretly talks behind my back about how badly I behave or what a horrible temper I have. I stopped worrying about this many years ago; what people say does not matter.Judging is easy… putting yourself in somebody else's shoes is not, helping to solve the problem is even worse. Acting is difficult, it's necessary to be brave, it's necessary to be free of taboos, a lot is necessary… Yes, I act, but I make mistakes a lot of the time. Those who do not understand this do not understand that we are humans.

Rocio.

Can we do it?

After two months of no writing… I am here again! After being writing and writing a BIG document in English I am here, suffering again with this language :D.
Since that time, I have written like 5 different drafts to this blog… you know explain how I feel is very difficult. Sometimes I have so many ideas that I can’t even write them down…
I’ll start with one of the most important: the dilemma of how to cope with a family, a research and an individual life. I think this idea is part of the previous post but from a different point of view.

Studying and working have never been easy since I became a mother, but this time is harder than ever. I have been thinking about why and I found many answers. Initially, I don’t have my parents to help me so I have to solve all the problems by myself. Yes, I have got some help from my husband, but not too much. He also has to work and well… there are some things that he has never done and he will never do. On the other hand, the large levels of stress that I have had this time have done that I tried to find more time for me, for doing just the things that I love and obtain a little of relax. This means more time that obviously I don’t have! Why? Because I have to spend a lot of time in my office trying to write a comprehensive document about a partial solution of a problem that I think important :S aaaahhhh!!!!

I don’t know if there are more women in this world that have done this successfully, I suppose that the answer is yes, a lot… Unfortunately I don’t know anyone, at least not in the group where I work.

Sometimes I ask to myself if it’s possible to do that… If it is possible to do the one hundred things that I have to do and at the end finish all of them with a big smile in my face. Maybe not always, maybe never… Is it a mistake think that I can be a successful researcher and a great mother and wife at the same time?

One month ago I went to an “informal chat” with one of the most recognised researcher woman in my area organised by a special group of women involved in research and science. By this reason, the audience were mostly women. She talked about her work and how she became in a very successful woman… and one of the things that she said was that one of the best decisions that she made in her life was to not have children, because in that way she can spend all her time doing the work that she loves. I was shocked, I feel very offended about that comment and I am pretty sure that I wasn’t the only one. Is it that true? Is it a fact? Is this means that I am just wasting my time thinking that someday I could be like her?

On the other side, it was really funny to hear a woman talking about all the problems that she had to be in the place that she is now… all the discrimination and sometimes humiliation that she had to live just for being a woman. But at the end, she just said: “I don’t have any regret about not having a child, just in that way I could achieve all the things that now I have”… for me this comment is a total discrimination to the mothers in the audience, it was like a: you are wasting your time, you will never be like me! Sucks!!!!!!

What do you think? Maybe if you’re not a woman and a mother you can’t understand this. But I think that I can do this, the price… good question, I don’t know which price I have to pay to get this. In terms of time, I have reduced the time that I spend in the gym or sleeping just to use it to be with my family or working.

I have been studying, working and taking care of my house and husband since I was pregnant (around 8 years ago) and 9 months later I added the great job of taking care of my little girl. My daughter was present in my undergraduate graduation party and also in my Master degree viva. Now, I am studying a PhD, I spend time with my daughter, with my husband and even with my friends. I love cook and bake so I do that every day. Yes, it’s difficult but not impossible. And yes, maybe I don’t have the same performance of the rest of the people that don’t have all these responsibilities but I know I can do it.

I just can say that women are so many things at the same time… We can do everything that we want, though some women think that not.

Being a woman

Who in hell said that when you decide to have kids your life HAS to change in such a radical way that you need to forget about being who you are.
A lot of women do that. They decide to change their friends, the places they frequent, even teh way they dress!! I just can say WHY?!
People have the idea that the meaning of "enjoy" is different from a woman without kids to a woman with kids. They simply decide not to invite you to that no-reason-drinking-party because certainly you don't have time or interest for that... NO life is not like that!
Definitely, a woman with kids has to organise her life in a very careful way, planning every party with a week in advance. It's not an impossible situation, however society makes really difficult for us to have the same life that we used to have before.
Your friends have to be other women in the same situation, talking all afternoon about what the best way to educate a kid is... OK, talking about kids is great, I enjoy myself doing that, but you know I also have a life! And being yourself is a very important issue for any human being in this planet.
At some point in my life, I found myself trying to find a balance between being a mom, a good wife and being me... I like to be at home cooking, baking or doing housework, taking care of my daughter, playing with her, reading stories and trying to be with her in every important moment of her life. But, at the same time, I like go to clubbing, dancing all night long, drinking, I like to have friends. I like to use sexy clothes and yes, I like to feel sexy! Is this against the concept of being a mother? I don't think so. My daughter loves when I use sexy clothes and make-up, all the time she is telling me: "you look so pretty mom!".
Obviously, I am not saying that I want to spend all the time drinking and dancing, I am saying that is really difficult to find a balance between having time to be the perfect mom and being the woman I want to be, and this includes not only dancing and drinking, but also studying, reading, going to the gym, going to dance classes, etc.
I remember when my daughter was a baby, I felt so guilty every time I decided to leave her with my mom whenever I went out for coffee with my friends... I think this is a normal feeling, but after some time I started to feel the necessity of doing something by myself, just for my pleasure with no regrets... Why did I feel like this? Because I spent most of my time trying to make everyone happy except me... bad, too bad... This just reminds me that: "If you are not happy, your family will never be happy, because a mother is the main member of the family" Who said that? my father in my wedding day. Oh so true! When I started to make the things that I really love I felt so great! So me!
Then, if you are planning to have a baby, or you already have one remember: be yourself, try to find the balance! It's not too difficult, your family will be really happy with that decision.