Can we do it?

After two months of no writing… I am here again! After being writing and writing a BIG document in English I am here, suffering again with this language :D.
Since that time, I have written like 5 different drafts to this blog… you know explain how I feel is very difficult. Sometimes I have so many ideas that I can’t even write them down…
I’ll start with one of the most important: the dilemma of how to cope with a family, a research and an individual life. I think this idea is part of the previous post but from a different point of view.

Studying and working have never been easy since I became a mother, but this time is harder than ever. I have been thinking about why and I found many answers. Initially, I don’t have my parents to help me so I have to solve all the problems by myself. Yes, I have got some help from my husband, but not too much. He also has to work and well… there are some things that he has never done and he will never do. On the other hand, the large levels of stress that I have had this time have done that I tried to find more time for me, for doing just the things that I love and obtain a little of relax. This means more time that obviously I don’t have! Why? Because I have to spend a lot of time in my office trying to write a comprehensive document about a partial solution of a problem that I think important :S aaaahhhh!!!!

I don’t know if there are more women in this world that have done this successfully, I suppose that the answer is yes, a lot… Unfortunately I don’t know anyone, at least not in the group where I work.

Sometimes I ask to myself if it’s possible to do that… If it is possible to do the one hundred things that I have to do and at the end finish all of them with a big smile in my face. Maybe not always, maybe never… Is it a mistake think that I can be a successful researcher and a great mother and wife at the same time?

One month ago I went to an “informal chat” with one of the most recognised researcher woman in my area organised by a special group of women involved in research and science. By this reason, the audience were mostly women. She talked about her work and how she became in a very successful woman… and one of the things that she said was that one of the best decisions that she made in her life was to not have children, because in that way she can spend all her time doing the work that she loves. I was shocked, I feel very offended about that comment and I am pretty sure that I wasn’t the only one. Is it that true? Is it a fact? Is this means that I am just wasting my time thinking that someday I could be like her?

On the other side, it was really funny to hear a woman talking about all the problems that she had to be in the place that she is now… all the discrimination and sometimes humiliation that she had to live just for being a woman. But at the end, she just said: “I don’t have any regret about not having a child, just in that way I could achieve all the things that now I have”… for me this comment is a total discrimination to the mothers in the audience, it was like a: you are wasting your time, you will never be like me! Sucks!!!!!!

What do you think? Maybe if you’re not a woman and a mother you can’t understand this. But I think that I can do this, the price… good question, I don’t know which price I have to pay to get this. In terms of time, I have reduced the time that I spend in the gym or sleeping just to use it to be with my family or working.

I have been studying, working and taking care of my house and husband since I was pregnant (around 8 years ago) and 9 months later I added the great job of taking care of my little girl. My daughter was present in my undergraduate graduation party and also in my Master degree viva. Now, I am studying a PhD, I spend time with my daughter, with my husband and even with my friends. I love cook and bake so I do that every day. Yes, it’s difficult but not impossible. And yes, maybe I don’t have the same performance of the rest of the people that don’t have all these responsibilities but I know I can do it.

I just can say that women are so many things at the same time… We can do everything that we want, though some women think that not.

Being a woman

Who in hell said that when you decide to have kids your life HAS to change in such a radical way that you need to forget about being who you are.
A lot of women do that. They decide to change their friends, the places they frequent, even teh way they dress!! I just can say WHY?!
People have the idea that the meaning of "enjoy" is different from a woman without kids to a woman with kids. They simply decide not to invite you to that no-reason-drinking-party because certainly you don't have time or interest for that... NO life is not like that!
Definitely, a woman with kids has to organise her life in a very careful way, planning every party with a week in advance. It's not an impossible situation, however society makes really difficult for us to have the same life that we used to have before.
Your friends have to be other women in the same situation, talking all afternoon about what the best way to educate a kid is... OK, talking about kids is great, I enjoy myself doing that, but you know I also have a life! And being yourself is a very important issue for any human being in this planet.
At some point in my life, I found myself trying to find a balance between being a mom, a good wife and being me... I like to be at home cooking, baking or doing housework, taking care of my daughter, playing with her, reading stories and trying to be with her in every important moment of her life. But, at the same time, I like go to clubbing, dancing all night long, drinking, I like to have friends. I like to use sexy clothes and yes, I like to feel sexy! Is this against the concept of being a mother? I don't think so. My daughter loves when I use sexy clothes and make-up, all the time she is telling me: "you look so pretty mom!".
Obviously, I am not saying that I want to spend all the time drinking and dancing, I am saying that is really difficult to find a balance between having time to be the perfect mom and being the woman I want to be, and this includes not only dancing and drinking, but also studying, reading, going to the gym, going to dance classes, etc.
I remember when my daughter was a baby, I felt so guilty every time I decided to leave her with my mom whenever I went out for coffee with my friends... I think this is a normal feeling, but after some time I started to feel the necessity of doing something by myself, just for my pleasure with no regrets... Why did I feel like this? Because I spent most of my time trying to make everyone happy except me... bad, too bad... This just reminds me that: "If you are not happy, your family will never be happy, because a mother is the main member of the family" Who said that? my father in my wedding day. Oh so true! When I started to make the things that I really love I felt so great! So me!
Then, if you are planning to have a baby, or you already have one remember: be yourself, try to find the balance! It's not too difficult, your family will be really happy with that decision.

The beginning

To start this blog hasn't been easy... I've been thinking about that since 2 year ago. Well, now I've decided to create it in English (to practice) and write about just life. Why? Because within the last year and a half, my vision of life has been changing a lot. I used to have very strong ideas related to life but, after I came to England, these ideas have changed drastically. The good thing is: that change was a good one.
Which ideas? Well, I am planning to write about them on each post.
So, any comment (good or bad) is more than welcomed and of course any correction to my written English will be appreciated.
Then, let's start!!!